Three weeks of being a mom, wow, time sure flies. Especially, when you spend most of your time on the couch breastfeeding your little one. It sounds like nothing but it’s time-consuming like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. And of course I do much more than feed him, I also stare at him, stroke his hair, have him nap on my chest, hug him, change his diapers, use my iPhone and free hand to take photos of him and post them on social media, and sometimes put him down in his Wool Nest so I can quickly eat something or go to the bathroom. He doesn’t like napping in his Wool Nest nearly as much as napping on my chest or lap, so I’m pretty much glued to the couch during the day. Usually, before I know it, evening has arrived and Yasu gets back from work. He takes over baby duty for a while, when I cook dinner and soon after that it’s time to get ready for bed again. I try to go to bed much earlier than before Babel was born because I know I’ll be up in the middle of the night (at least, once or twice) for two-hour stretches to feed and change Babel. And in the morning it all starts again, hopefully after a decent amount of sleep.
So yeah, I’m not getting much done these days. It can be hard and overwhelming for this perfectionistic control freak at times. There are so many things I feel I need to do, and even more things I want to do, but none of that is happening. Oh, and then there’s our washing machine that broke and due to a hard-to-order part probably won’t get fixed or replaced until halfway June, argh! So, in an effort not to break down, all I can do is give in and let go of control and my normal way of life. It’s hard right now, but I hear routine will set in around week 6 and everything will start to seem perfectly normal again by then. So I’m halfway there.
In the meantime, having this cute little baby to cuddle and his adorable tiny face to kiss during my many hours on the couch makes it all worth it. My dream was to be a mom and little Babel made me one. He is everything. What he feels, I feel. When he cries and little tears pop out of the sides of his eyes, my heart breaks and I cry. When his little mouth makes an involuntary smile, my heart giggles and I smile. When he looks at me with his tiny eyes, makes one of his baby grunts, and when his little fingers strongly wrap around mine, my hearts melts and I feel wanted and loved. And when he sleeps quietly on my chest and makes his rhythmic breathing noises, my mind finally calms down and I feel relaxed. This innocent and gorgeous mini human, he has no idea what he does to me. He’s my heart.